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Star Wars

"Why, you low-down, stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder."
- Leia Organa (The Empire Strikes Back)
"If I might remind you, sir, the possibility of successfully navigating through an asteroid field is approximately two thousand four hundred and sixty-seven to one."
- C3PO (The Empire Strikes Back)
"You know they have something planned."
"Yeah, but we have a Wookiee."
- Leia Organa Solo / Han Solo (Tatooine Ghost)
"Yes, dear?"
"You weren't planning on slipping out a secret exit, where you?"
"Married less than a year and you already know me so well."
- Han Solo / Leia Organa Solo (Tatooine Ghost)
"They certainly know who we are. That's bad."
"Yeah, but they're not supposed to kill us. That's good."
- Leia Organa Solo / Han Solo (Tatooine Ghost)
"Yub, Yub, Commander."
- Wes Janson (X-Wing - Wraith Squadron)
"Your business on Storinal?"
- Garick "Face" Loran (X-Wing - Wraith Squadron)
"If you don't want to be noticed, you don't use a Star Destroyer."
- Talon Karrde (Heir To The Empire)
"I am not a committee."
- Leia Organa Solo (Heir To The Empire)
"Just because I'm respectable doesn't mean I'm out of touch."
- Lando Calrissian (Heir To The Empire)
"And cheer up, will you? You're starting to sound like Threepio."
- Luke Skywalker (Heir To The Empire)
"There's your twice of nothing. Enjoy it."
- Mara Jade (Dark Force Rising)
"And what happens when we've bent the rules so far that they come around and stab us in the back?"
- Gillead Pellaeon (Dark Force Rising)
"I apologize. I didn't realize your liquor supply was classified."
- Han Solo (Dark Force Rising)
"The whole rebellion was a highly illegal action bordering on treason, sweetheart. When the rules don't work, you break'em."
- Han Solo (The Last Command)
"History is on the move, Captain. Those who cannot keep up will be left behind, to watch from the distance. And those who stand in our way will not watch at all."
- Grand Admiral Thrawn (The Last Command)
"So - once again - are we partners, or do you go of to die alone?"
"I see you inherited your father's considerable powers of negotiations."
- Jaina Solo / Kyp Durron (Rebel Stand)
"Coming from the son of Baron Fel - A jumped up Correlian dirt farmer - that's worth about as much as Ithorian currency."
- Jaina Solo (Dark Journey)
"Sorry to interrupt dinner just as it was getting interesting, but I'm afraid we've got to blow some bad guys into small pieces."
- Han Solo (Destiny's Way)
"Getting an relationship to work is almost impossible - even without people like me getting in the way."
- Luke Skywalker (Remnant)
"Han, we had our first kiss in the belly of a space slug. Believe me, when I say that my expectations of doing anything remotely romantic with you have been never particularly high."
- Leia Organa Solo (Refugee)
"I don't care what it is. Anything intending to eat us is trouble."
- Han Solo (Reunion)
"I know what lots of things feel like. And you know what? I'm still fighting. I'm going to keep fighting. I'm going to keep fighting until there isn't a single threat left in this galaxy."
- Jaina Solo (The Final Prophecy)
"Funny haha or funny we're about to die?"
- Corran Horn (The Final Prophecy)
"I was hoping more for a crash course in 'how to kick butt when you're outnumbered thirty to two.' "
- Tahiri Veila (The Final Prophecy)


"It's shamefull, acting like this. What must everyone think?"
"We think they're mean little buggers."
- Carrot Ironfounderson / Nobby Nobbs (Guards! Guards!)
"We've never had any enemy we couldn't bribe or corrupt."
- Nobby Nobbs (Guards! Guards!)
"Might have been just an innocent bystander, sir."
"What, in Ankh-Morpork?"
"Yes, sir."
"We should have grabbed him, then, just for the rarity value."
- Carrot Ironfounderson / Nobby Nobbs (Guards! Guards!)
"Never build a dungeon you wouldn't be happy to spend the night in yourself."
- Lord Vetinari (Guards! Guards!)
"Why does ketchup cost almost as much as the rat?"
"Have you tried rat without ketchup?"
- Angua / Carrot Ironfounderson (Men at Arms)
"Rule One: Beware of Small, Old, Smiling Men."
- Lu Tze (Thief Of Time)
"If you don't stop being so cheerful, Gytha Ogg, I shall give you such a ding around the ear with the flat of my hand."
- Granny Weatherwax (Witches Abroad)
"Gooden Day, big-feller mine host! Trois beers por favor avec us, silver plate."
- Nanny Ogg (Witches Abroad)
"It can't be bad if we're doing it. We're the good ones."
- Magrat Garlick (Witches Abroad)
"And there's the sign, Ridcully. You have read it, I assume. You know? The sign which says 'Do not, under any circumstances, open this door'?"
"Of course I've read it. Why d'yer think I want it opened?"
- The Dean / Ridcully (Hogfather)
"Funny thing, that. That statement is either so deep it it would take a lifetime to fully comprehend every particle of its meaning, or it is a load of absolute tosh."
- Ridcully (Hogfather)
"I just want to make shure I've got this clear. You think your grandfather is Death and you think he's acting strange?"
- The "oh god" of Hangovers (Hogfather)
"+++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++"
- Hex (Hogfather)
"A god, eh? What off?"
"Oh, bit o' this, bit o' that"
- Chickenwire / Bilious (Hogfather)
"Dead? Oh, no. I can't possibly be dead. Not at the moment. It's simply not convenient. I haven't even catalogued the combat muffins."
"No, no, I'm sorry, but it just won't do. You will have to wait. I really cannot be bothered with that sort of nonsense."
- Mr. Hopkonson / Death (Feet of Clay)
"It's the actual bread he personally wielded at the Battle of Koom Valley, killing fifty-seven trolls although that was a long time ago and we shouldn't let ancient history blind us to the realities of a multi-ethnic society in the Century of the Fruitbat."
- Captain Carrot (Feet of Clay)
"What did they say?"
"Let me see, now.... 'It was you wot done it, own up, everybody seen you, we got lots of people say you done it, you done it all right didn't you, own up.' That was, I think the general approach. And then, like the scullery maid just now, I said it wasn't me and that seemed to puzzle the officer concerned."
- Commander Vimes / Drumknot (Feet of Clay)
"You are being reasonable again! You're deliberately seeing everybody's point of view! Can't you try to be unfair even once?"
- Corporal Angua (Feet of Clay)
"Many fine old manuscripts in that place, I belive. Without price, I'm told."
"Yes, sir. Certainly worthless, sir."
- Lord Vetinari / Commander Vimes (Feet of Clay)
"Well, that's society for you, I'm afraid. Everything is dumped on the people below until you find someone who's prepared to eat it."
- Captain Carrot (Jingo)
"Why are out people going out there?"
"Because they are showing a brisk pioneering spirit and seeking wealth and .... additional wealth in a new land."
"What's in it for the Klatchians?"
"Oh, they've gone out there because they are a bunch of unprincipled opportunists always ready to grab something for nothing."
- Lord Selachii / Lord Vetinari (Jingo)
"What was your plan from here on?"
"I've never thought we'd get this far!"
- 71-hour Ahmed / Commander Vimes (Jingo)
"It's quite a new thing. It's because of the uncertainty principle"
"What's that?"
"I'm not shure."
"That's very helpfull."
- Death / Commander Vimes (The Fifth Elephant)
"And ... er ... you can find your way?"
"I'm a dwarf. We are underground. Dwarf. Underground. What was the question again?"
- Sacharissa / Boddony (The Thruth)
"The right to free speech is a fine old Ankh-Morpork tradition."
"Good heavens, is it?"
"Yes, my lord."
"How did that one survive?"
- Mr. Slant / Lord Downey (The Truth)
"So ... we have what people are interested in, and human interest stories, which is what humans are interested in, and the public interest, which nobody is interested in."
"Except the public, sir."
"Which isn't the same as people and humans?"
"I think it's more complicated than that, sir."
- Lord Vetinari / William DeWorde (The Truth)
"Well, I trained in Klatch. They have some novel ideas about medicine over there. They think it's a good Idea to get patients better, for one thing."
- Dr. Lawn (Night Watch)
"I wish to adress the men in order to inspire them and stiffen their resolve. They must understand the political background of the current crisis."
"Oh, we all know about Lord Winder beeing a looney, sir."
- Captain Rust / Wiglet (Night Watch)
"Oh, well, the interests of Ankh-Morpork are the interests of all money-lov... oops, sorry, all freedom-loving people everywhere."
- Samuel Vimes (Monstrous Regiment)
"The captain looks bad. What did he try to do to poor little you?"
"Patronize me."
- Maladict / Polly Perks (Monstrous Regiment)
"I don't want unneccessary violence, sergeant!"
"Right you are sir! Carborundum! First man comes through that door runnin', I want him nailed to the wall! .... But not to hard."
- Captain Blouse / Sergeant Jackrum (Monstrous Regiment)
"I am not by nature an untruthfull man, Perks."
"Glad to hear it, sir. are we winning the war, sir?"
- Captain Blouse / Polly Perks (Monstrous Regiment)
"Ye've had a wee bittie accident, ye ken. You're a wee bittie dead"...
"Hey, I wuz breakin' it tea her gently! I did say 'wee bittie' twice, right?"
- Rob Anybody (A Hat Full Of Sky)
"I walk safely in my mountains."
"But aren't there trolls and wolves and things?"
"Oh, yes. Lots."
- Granny Weatherwax / Tiffany Aching (A Hat Full Of Sky)
"Good Morning, Mr. Spangler. It's me, sir, Daniel 'One Drop' Trooper. I am your executioner for today, sir. Don't you worry, sir. I've hanged dozends of people. We'll soon have you out of here."
- Daniel Trooper (Going Postal)
"Oh, all right. Of course, I accept as natural-born criminal, habitual liar, fraudster, and totally untrustworthy perverted genius"
"Captial! Welcome to government service!"
- Moist von Lipwig / Lord Vetinary (Going Postal)
"I will sue the university! I will sue the university!"
"Oh, please sue the university. We've got a pond full of people who tried to sue the university."
- Greyham / Ridcully (Going Postal)


"I don't like people nosing in my affairs, especially sorcerers."
- Alanna of Trebond (Song of the Lioness - The First Adventure)
"I'm an everyday man. I like my books and my brandy and my friends. I like everything in its place, and I like to know today where I'll be tomorrow. When the gods brush my life - they brush eveyone's life at some point - I get nervous. There's no accounting for what the gods want."
- Myles of Olau (Song of the Lioness - The First Adventure)
"Because he is my friend. Because I always know where he stands, and where I stand with him. Because I think he'd die for me and I think I'd die for him. Is that enough?"
- Jonathan of Conté (Song of the Lioness - The First Adventure)
"So? He was stupid. If I killed everyone who was stupid, I wouldn't have time to sleep."
- Alanna of Trebond (Song of the Lioness - In The Hand Of The Goddess)
"Five arrows in his back, all poisoned. Someone was taking no Chances."
- George Cooper (Song of the Lioness - In The Hand Of The Goddess)
"If I'd known I'd be ridin' with a legend, I'd've thought twice about comming along."
- Coram Smythesson (Song of the Lioness - The Woman Who Rides Like A Man)
"You know something? There are sandstorms that strip man and horse and bury them - I have seen them. I saw bones piled higher than my head for the folly of a bad king and those who wanted his throne. I lived through a blizzard that froze every other living creature solid. Against those things you are only a man. I can deal with you."
- Alanna of Trebond (Song of the Lioness - Lioness Rampant)
"Don't tell me. You expected someone bigger."
- Alanna of Pirate's Swoop and Olau (The Immortals - Wild Magic)
"But that's my good side. You really should tell her some of my faults. Then again - please don't. I forgot you actually know my faults."
- Numair Salmalín (The Immortals - Wild Magic)
"Odd's bobs, this is a strange place! Knights who say call 'em by their first name and wizards that light tinder and queens that run around dressed like real people."
- Veralidaine Sarassri - (The Immortals - Wild Magic)
"Politics. We don't have to mess with that, thanks be to Father Storm and Mother Rain. It means you sit down to dinner with enemies and ask how their children are."
- Ouna Chamtong (The Immortals - Wild Magic)
"I may be human, but I am not stupid."
- Veralidaine Sarassri (The Immortals - Wolf Speaker)
"The magic backfires. It's one reason there are so few of my rank. The others who tried to reach it are dead."
- Numair Salmalín (The Immortals - Wolf Speaker)
"Hard to argue with Gods, when they're done being nice to mortals."
- The Graveyard Hag (The Immortals - Emperor Mage)
"I would apologize for my rudeness, if I had manners. Happily, I don't. You ought to try our shape sometime. People expect you to be crude. I'm told it's liberating for most humans."
- Rikash Moonsword (The Immortals - Emperor Mage)
"Do you know, sire. I think that if we live to tell our grandchildren about this war, they will accuse us of making it up."
-Marielle of Imrah (The Immortals - The Realm Of The Gods)
"The Yamanis say it's better to live with pain. You have to let it roll away like water on a Stone. That way it doesn't have any power over you."
"They sound like wonderfull, cheerfull people. Any other warrior stoic arguments?"
- Keladry of Mindelan / Neal of Queenscove (Protector of the Small - First Test)
"Oh, don't start my-lording me, youngster. Didn't anyone tell you a palace is like a sieve? Servants talk, families talk, boys talk and nobles talk. If people stopped talking around here, the walls would fall in. There'd be no wind to hold them up."
- Raoul of Goldenlake and Malorie's Peak (Protector of the Small - Page)
"When people say a knights job ist all glory, I laugh and laugh and laugh. Often I can stop laughing before they edge away and talk about soothing drinks"
- Raoul of Goldenlake (Protector of the Small - Squire)
"That fathead Glaisdan. He kept telling me that one Tortallan horesman was the equal of ten northern savages."
"Maybe they are. It's the eleventh savage that get's you."
- Raoul of Goldenlake / Flyndan Whiteford (Protector of the Small - Squire)
"When in doubt, shoot the wizard."
- Numair Salmalín (Protector of the Small - Squire)
"I respect you heaps, lady knight. I'd've thrown myself off a bridge, getting this assignment. You, you're there with list and plans. You listen to every flapmouthed bumpkin who thinks he can do your task better, and you answer with a smile and thanks. Why, you've inspired me to be a blessing to my fellow bumpkin, just like you"
- Neal of Queenscove (Protector of the Small - Lady Knight)
"See that Master Idrius get's latrine detail for a week, if you please. Perhaps it will sweeten him."
- Keladry of Mindelan (Protector of the Small - Lady Knight)
"Military folk. The only way you know to solve problems is by beating them with a stick."
- Neal of Queenscove (Protector of the Small - Lady Knight)
"Too much information is bad for you mortals. Just look at your history if you want proof."
- Kyprioth (Tricksters Choice)
"Why, I'm just as true and honest as dirt. And I'm even more charming than dirt."
- Aly (Tricksters Choice)
"I don't trust anyone who feels you should like them because they love themselves so much."
- Dovasary (Tricksters Choice)
"He's thinking. It will take a while, since thinking isn't something that comes naturally to him."
- Aly (Tricksters Choice)
"What do you call four dead governors?"
"I don't know."
"A good start."
- Cheanol / Aly (Tricksters Queen)
"I won't be a puppet, Ulasim. If I rule, I rule"
- Dove (Tricksters Queen)
"I love it when warriors get noble. The get themselves killed with hardly any help from us. It's the best time-saver."
- Aly (Tricksters Queen)

Diverse Stuff

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."
-Robert Heinlein
"People who wander are not necessarily lost."
- JRR Tolkien
"It wasn't always this complicated. I believe the first version was very simple, just 'Open Sesame', but word got around and we had to change it."
- Kazul (Dealing with Dragons)
"You're going to kill us just because it's traditional?"
- Cimorene (Dealing with Dragons)
"You asked for my advice, and I've given it. That's my job. I'm not supposed to explain it, too, for heavens sake. If you want explanations, talk to a griffin."
- A Squirrel (Searching for Dragons)
"No hero want's to go into battle wearing an oven mitt and swinging a frying pan - or at least, none of the fifty-seven heroes Father has checked so far."
- Tamriff of High Holes (The Frying Pan Of Doom)
"Ask the wind, ask the rain. Empty howling and wet fur are all you earn for your pain."
- Firekeeper (The Dragon of Despair)